Newsletter April 06

To be a great communicator you need to…

… focus on others and not on yourself.

If we were to have a continuum of people, with great communicators at one end and poor communicators at the other, those at the ‘poor’ end will focus on themselves, while those at the ‘great’ end will focus on others and their needs.

This will be evident in many forms of communication.

For example, do you find yourself saying “I’m useless at remembering people’s names”?

Where is the focus – on yourself or others? The more ‘other-focused’ you are, the easier you will be able to remember names.

Are you an I-Listener or a You-Listener?

Compare:

Mary:  “I’m finding it hard to understand these spreadsheets”.

Dave:  “Yes, I had difficulty too. I never understood how ….”

With:

Mary:  “I’m finding it hard to understand these spreadsheets”.

John:  “Are you? Let’s have a look and see if we can work it out.”

How will Mary feel after Dave’s response as compared to John’s?

Compare:

Mark: “I’ve just bought one of these printers.”

Fiona: “Oh we got one of those too. We didn’t rate it at all and bought a better model instead.”

With:

Mark: “I’ve just bought one of these printers.”

Joy: “Oh yes, how are you finding it?”

How will Mark feel after Fiona’s response as compared to Joy’s?

Great communicators make others feel good about themselves.

One of my friends recently started a new job and was unsure of some of the database procedures. She asked a colleague for advice, took on board his suggestions and inputted a range of data. Unfortunately she didn’t get it right.

The Manager’s response was: “Look at the mess you’ve made of the database. Can’t you do any better than that?”

While we may appreciate the manager’s frustration, her choice of communication technique did little to foster good relations and provide the optimum work environment.

An alternative approach would be to focus on making the other person feel good about themselves.

For example, “Hi Jean, there are some inaccuracies in the database. I understand you’ve recently started and perhaps we didn’t explain the procedure sufficiently. Can you tell me how you dealt with it?”

So, in your everyday communication, ask yourself, “Am I focussing on myself or others?”

Happy speaking!

Copyright Successful Speaking 2006